A Strange Level of Comfort

Well, here we are....Monday.  In less than forty-eight hours hubby and I will find out how our little love bug is doing and if we'll continue with the pregnancy or have to miscarry.  I thought the last several days would be some of the worst I've had to endure but surprisingly I have found a strange level of comfort in them.  Not to say we've not struggled here and there, and believe me, there have been a fair amount of tears, but with each passing day the one thing that has remained constant is that level of hope that all is well.  Sitting in limbo hasn't been all bad because while there is that percentage of chance that we'll have to miscarry, there is also that percentage that all is well, our little one is developing on schedule, and we were off on our dates.  And having that hope to hang onto has provided comfort which has made the last several days much easier than originally anticipated.

I find myself extremely cautiously optimistic that all is well.  My symptoms, while never necessarily strong, are still hanging around, and whereas last week I was struggling with some anxiety, I'm currently feeling more relaxed, calm, and ready to face the future.  I attribute that to another surge of the good pregnancy hormones.  I get some minor, mild cramping followed by bouts of pulling, tugging, stretching, etc.  I'm not bleeding, heavily spotting, or severely cramping.  Now, I'm not completely naive and know those things can still take place, or not take place, even with a not viable pregnancy; but I chose to take those as somewhat good news.  

It's almost like I don't want Wednesday to arrive but, yet I do.  If all is well I want to know so I can return back to my state of 100% happy and get out of limbo.  Yet, if it's the alternative, that small level of comfort will be taken away.  However, if that's our road we'll travel down it together knowing full well that we'll be ok, our little one will be back in Heaven (not a bad place to be), and when the time is right, we'll try again.

We have a lot of people praying for us and several have remarked (hubby included) that they have a feeling all is well.  Hubby even said he thinks that on Wednesday the doctor will see our little one flipping her off for doubting his/her ability to grow.  If that's the case then we'll definitely have a strong, independent, little one on our hands (with some possible minor anger management issues).  Ehh....I could think of worse things to contend with.  :)